Posts Tagged ‘free philosophical’

I have to be honest. Before I joined wordpress.com I was worried that the way I thought was too out there. I had often been asked “Are you high?” When discussing intense topics such as Life, Religion, Death, Over Population, Politics among many other things. I was beginning to worry that no one thought about things as critically or as curiously as I did. I felt that so many people were locked in their own ideas and opinions completely unwilling to accept or listen to others thoughts and opinions. My main decision for joining wordpress.com was for me to let some of my writings seep into the world since I have a fear of letting people read anything I write, especially the ones closest to me. I figured I would put some stuff out there and maybe this would help ease my fear without having to sit and watch someones reaction as they read my words. The result has been nothing short of amazing. I have received many words of encouragement as well as good wishes and many more questions to challenge me. So many people have responded positively to these words I have written and I have nothing but gratitude and gratefulness for every person who has read anything on my blog. I was even able to open my blog to my Facebook and let the people closest to me read my entires and that reaction has been the same. My mother said something to me shortly after I started the blog that really made me think maybe my thoughts weren’t so crazy after all, she said        “All I know is when I read Lindsay’s words I know everything will be alright.” I know she is my mother and she is supposed to support me but just hearing that really made my heart melt. My mother and I don’t have the same beliefs but somehow my words could help her too. I was naive to think that I was the only one out there that thinks this way or has these ideas or morals. There is 7 billion people out there and we are much more similar than we are different. This blog entry was simply written to thank every single one of my followers and readers. Your support has really surprised me and I will continue write and read all of your entries because all of your ideas, thoughts, and art has helped me be even more open and even more honest. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh yeah and one more thing… THANK YOU! 🙂

Peace and Love

Lindsay

Backstory

I stopped believing in God over ten years ago. Shortly before I lost my faith (not that I really had much to begin with) I stopped believing in the devil. I came to the conclusion that the devil was simply made up to scare people into being Godly or following God’s word. So I chose not to believe in such a thing. Soon after I chose not to believe in God either. I had the realization that there could be no God. God for me became Santa Claus or Unicorns or Leprechauns. It appeared to me that faith was simply a coping mechanism for all the things we cannot understand in our world, and I personally did not feel I needed answers. For me I have less guilt and more freedom  without god/religious duty looming over my head. That being said I have no judgement towards faith/religious lovers, I am the first one to say believe in whatever you want to believe in, and I will believe in mine.

This brings me to the topic of my blog today. I was recently at and event where someone suggested that to be a good person and to carry out justice for all, you somehow must  have god’s light in your heart. I don’t overly agree with this. I would have to say bluntly I have none of God’s light in my heart. My heart is made of blood and muscle and tissue. It’s made of the same thing that your heart is made of. This however may suggest that I am a bad person, selfish, vain, greedy. I hate this stereotype of non believers. I consider myself a good person and in a way I feel like I feel more pain than most because I try everyday to have compassion for every person, and living thing on this planet. More and more these days I see how everything is connected and that the stars in the sky are on the same level as mosquitos, as carbon, as music, as humans. Everything we have today is because of how this Universe has developed at random. To me life is a gift but not a gift given by  someone or something. A gift of happening, a side effect of our Universe. And I try to live in this gift as a peaceful person not because I was taught to but because I want too, because hate, violence, judgement and intolerance have never amounted to anything positive.

“I have learned that it is not important to find the answers in life, but much more important to pose the questions that may have no answer.” L.D

I think it was Einstein who said “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.”

This is how I try to live my life, not to find the answer to the question but simply to ask it.

The older I get the more I have noticed that Language is in many ways a hinderance to humanity. I remember being a kid and saying a word over and over until it didn’t even sound like a real word. This exercise made me question Who decides words? Who said that one is one not two? Who said up was up an not down? I then started to wonder what if everything I knew as language was backwards. What if what we know as red was actually called green? This intrigued me.

As I reached what some would call Adulthood I noticed another thing about Language, Tone. I had long heard the phase It’s not what you say but how you say it. As an adolescent I hated the phrase. To me I delivered words of rebellion in the same way I delivered words in usual conversation. Being an adult and listening to people young and old I started to understand this idea of tone. Somehow two people could say the same exact thing but it could be received in completely conflicting ways. Ah the tone I would think to myself. How was I unable to hear it before? Did I simply choose not to hear it or was I incapables at the time? All I know is I hear it now and it puzzles me constantly. Not only do we have hundreds of languages but we also have hundreds of tones those languages can be delivered in.

This is where language can become a hinderance. It is very hard for people to properly communicate their feelings with such a wide variety of options to convey them. Human perception also makes this difficult because even when we find the right words to say, the person/people receiving this message may percieve a tone in the way the person delivered the words. This may in turn lead to a long discussion explaining why what you said was not what you meant. I often find that words can never describe what we are truly feeling or trying to communicate.

I think it’s funny that there is so many words for one thing. We call them synonyms but what they really are is useless. Why do we need twenty words for beautiful? Do we really need three ways to say to/too/two or there/they’re/their? Are these necessities of language or excesses? Would language crumble if these ceased to exist?

Sometimes silence is the easiest way to communicate, odd as that sounds. At least that’s what I’ve found. In the words of the great Joss Whedon “When people stop talking, they start communicating.” (if you haven’t seen the silent episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Hush” I recommend you watch it!)

I am not the Lover

I am not the Kind

I am not the Mother

I am not the Blind

I am not the Air

I am not the Sound

I am not the Fair

I am not the Found

I am not the Funny

I am not the Birth

I am not the Money

I am not the Earth

I am not the Tame

I am not the Bad

I am not the Blame

I am not the Sad

I am not the Wild

I am not the Scared

I am not the Child

I am not the Shared

I am not the Safe

I am not the Birds

I am not the Waif

I am not the Words

This is a poem I wrote in middle school about not being defined by the words the world uses to define you. I strive to be undefinable!