Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

I turned this post into a video blog, here’s the link http://telly.com/AHJBM3

I think I have an analogy for the world, a comparison, a similarity….Okay, I don’t really know what it is so I’m going to begin with a bit a backstory. A setting up of the punch line if you may.

As some of you may know I am a nanny for triplets, all girls. I’ve been taking daily care of them for fours years now. As many of you may not know, caring for triplets and or raising them is quite different from raising a singleton, twins, or several kids of different ages. It comes with many disadvantages but also its fair share of positives. I love my job and have gained so much life experience by being able to submerge myself into the family mould both by becoming family member but also an observer. Everyday get to see the challenges a family/marriage must face from a relatively non-bias point of view. Is it a beautiful thing to witness but also somewhat tragic. I see how much the outside world affects who you are as a person. When I started watching the girls were barley speaking, they had such a limited vocabulary because they had developed their own language to talk amongst themselves, they spoke triplet. This quickly changed as I talk A LOT and was spending upwards of 10hrs a day with them. They were quick to learn from me.

As they grew older and their vocabulary grew larger I tried to teach them as best I could to be understanding of others. I love to see them standing up to anyone who uses a colour as an adjective to describe as person.

“People are not colours.”  They say.

“What?” Confused bystander.

“They’re just people.” They smile and continue on.

This is not a dramatization this has happened many times, they are expremely vocal to and about their surroundings.

I’ve Mentioned before in a post but I think it’s important to repeat that we have also discussed things like same-sex relationships, adoption, poverty, charity, amputations, metal disabilities, crime, recycling, aliens, religion, racism, and hate among a plethora of other things. Now I want you to understand we don’t sit down and say, “Today we are going to talk about same sex relationships.”
No, they always initiate it by asking a question about something that is abnormal or different to them. I answer them in the way I would have wanted to be answered when I was a child. They responded greatly to this. Now that they have begun school some of this teaching has been damaged by opinions of their peers and their peers personal family ideal, however I do still see more empathy and compassion in their souls then most adults and I hope the world doesn’t keep breaking it down.

I seem to have gotten a little off track but as I said this is the back story to this epic analogy to describe equality and the lack their of it (if you haven’t guessed yet, the triplets are involved ;p )

About 20 min ago I was telling my best friend about my day with the girls and how I painted all three of their nails. I told her how they always want to have the exact same colour and exact same pattern as their sisters have (this happens when we do crafts as well) Today I didn’t let the girls see each others nails until they were all completed and each had picked different patterns and colours. I had a realization that they all wanted to be the same because in their mind “same= equal”, “equal=same”. They always want the same amount of attention and praise, and if one receives an extra praise for her beautiful nails then they see that girl as somehow more important or better. AHA! So much of the fighting, arguing and frustration they have with their sisters makes sense now. That being said, I feel like it will be hard to break this habit, but I hope to stress to them that different doesn’t stand for better… or worse for that matter.

Now here’s the analogy, the comparison, the similarity. The triplets are really just a miniature version of our current world. People believe and most likely have always believed and may possibly continue to believe that difference creates inequality. That to have equality you must have sameness, that we Must all believe the same thing, perceive the same, see the same to be equal.

I would like to dispute this!

I believe the core quality of equality is acceptance. If there must be any sameness, let it be that we all treat everything in is world as if  all on the same level. Every single thing on this planet deserves respect and love from the smallest grain of sand to the last star in the Sky. It may seem like such a large, exaggerated, unimaginable expectation but that is how open my mind is.
Equality = acceptance of difference + love x compassion. Such a simple equation.

I want to leave you with this unwisdom challenge of the day, of the month, of your life.

Take a moment, now or later, tomorrow or ten years from now. Just take a moment and let go of every assumption you have about the world. i mean absolutely everything you ASSUME you know. You may be surprised to find that you know nothing at all. Freeing isn’t it?

Peace and love and equality
Lindsay

Our Bed

Posted: March 26, 2013 in Love, poetry
Tags: , , , ,

Our Bed (dramatic reading)

These tissues in our bed

Full of words we never said

These sheets are twisted and torn

From your wrath and my scorn

A mattress battered with hate

Many nights spent denying fate

This frame is broken and scarred

Our hearts were left without regard

And now we sit on the edge

Of what used to be our bed

Letting there be tears

Releasing all our fears

As the end does near

Wishing there was a way

To go back to that one day

That something had to be said

But you kept it in your head

As we lay together in our bed

And now all that remains

Is the memories of our pain

Both of our souls have been slain

This once was our bed

But all that was, is dead

One Lasting Forever (audio)

For us there is no forever

We knew that when we began this endeavor

We chose this path mutually

Divided, alone, we will hurt separately

The looming end poisons our time

Our love from the beginning was a great climb

Some moments are shared free of regret

Questions are pondered, Why have we met?

My life will be empty without you there

How am I to live gracefully without your care?

I want us to stay in this place together

Let’s make this moment the one lasting forever

These Tears

Posted: January 29, 2013 in Love, poetry, writing
Tags: , , , , , ,

The tears I cry

Burn my skin

Like acid

Thinking about

What we might have been

 

I was just a wanderer

Looking for a start

Always left to ponder

With my broken heart

One day I came across

A man with gentle grace

He asked about my loss

And the look upon my face

I told him of my sorrows

About all the things I’ve lost

He gave me something to borrow

But it did not come without a cost

He placed inside my being

A warmth I did not understand

It suddenly felt so freeing

The feeling was so grand

“Here I give you my heart,

I hope it will help you see,

That with the things we part,

We are really just setting free.”

The man said, “That is all.”

He turned and walked away

I wanted to reach out and call

But his name he did not say

I kept the warmth inside

Every step I made

The sorrow began to die

My pain began to fade

Until one day I walked by

A woman upon her knees

I wiped the tears from her eyes

Her heart she said, “It bleeds.”

I knew what I had to do

To give her a better tomorrow

“I have something to give you,

It’s something you can borrow.”

“Here I give you my heart,

It’s yours for you to take,

but one day you will have to part,

To help someone who’s life’s at stake.”

The women stopped her tears

I got up slowly and walked away

As she began to free her fears

She calmly asked me to stay

I said “I can’t, I’m a wanderer,

I have just now found my start,

The only thing I now ponder,

Is who else needs a borrowed heart?”

 

 

 

 

Peace has never come from War

Love has never come from Hate

Hate has led to War

War has led to Hate

Love will lead us to Peace

Peace will end in Love

First off I want to apologize to all my blog followers/readers. I’ve been slightly distracted lately and have not been putting the effort into my blog that I would like. I sat down today to write a blog entry about love and if it can be possible to have it with a person you know but have never met. As I opened up my pages I stumbled upon this excerpt from my novel that had seemingly been lost amongst the many endless pages of the story. As I re-read it I was actually quite shocked. I had completely forgotten about this moment in the story. It is definitely one of the most poignant parts of Gray and Hayleigh’s journey. After reading it I was compelled to share it with all of you. For some reason I get so emotional when I read these words. I know I’m the one who is writing the story, but I don’t feel like I decide where these characters go. They are real to me and when tragedy strikes in the story it’s almost like it is happening to me. I can’t change it because I know this is the way the story needs to be told. I hope you enjoy!

Peace and Love 

Lindsay

“I love you, I love who you are, you’re cynical and honest, logical  and rational. You never get caught up in fantasy, you keep your mind here and focussed, you don’t let yourself look back. Your grace and passion for art makes me yearn to be immersed in your creativity.  You see things in my art that I never thought possible. You’re supportive and encouraging. You do so much for me Hayleigh and sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough for you.”

How could she be pouring her heart out to me in this moment, this moment in which I wanted to end it all? It had gone too far, I had let her get too far in, she was caught in my net and now I wanted her cut her free.

“Do you remember the day you picked up that penny and gave it to the homeless man weeping on the bench.”

I didn’t even know she saw me that day, Gray saw me before I ever saw her.

“Yes I do.”

“Why did you do it? I saw twenty other people walk by and not one person even looked his way. They acted as if the bench was empty but yet still avoiding it like a disease. Then you appear and acknowledge him like the true human he is. Why would you do that Hayleigh?”

I sat there astonished by her recollection. How long had she watched me? Was she always intrigued by me? Why did I do it?

“I did it because I saw someone who was sad and it made me sad and I didn’t want to feel that way?” Even though I found myself feeling sad continually I began to feel numb to it until I saw others suffering and it reminded me of my own loss, my own sorrow.

“Yeah, well what if you are sad Haleigh? What if what you saw in that man I see in you?Maybe I just want to take away a bit of your sadness, maybe it makes me hurt me to see the pain in your eyes, the pain your try to lock inside your heart but it bleeds through.”

I was upset she felt the burden of my anguish, I wanted her to know she could never relieve me of it.

“Gray, you can’t take my hurt away, it’s etched into my soul and nothing can heal it. It’s who I am, I’m damaged and defective and I can’t be with you or anyone because it will only end in both of us being desecrated.”

She stood there, her tears silently curved around her chin and dropped to the floor. Her breath was short and shallow, she bit her lip to keep it from quivering. My heart ached and I could feel hers throbbing too. This exact moment was why I couldn’t do this. No matter what happened both of our hearts would end in ache. I walked over to her and gripped my hands over her biceps, her skin was hot, I wanted to hug her, I felt so cold. She lowered her head. I think It hurt her too much to look me in the eye, or maybe she couldn’t look me in the eye maybe she had begun to hate me, which I hoped she would.

“Gray, I can’t give you the things you need and you can’t stop my pain.”

Gray jerked herself from my grasp, shook her head and raised her chin. I was surprised by her face it wasn’t filled with hate, it wasn’t even filled with anger or sadness. Love, her grey marble eyes were dripping with love. Gray just stood there and stared. She didn’t smile, her lips sat slightly parted as salty rivers flowed over them. I couldn’t look away she wouldn’t let me. After what felt like hours she spoke in a whisper, her voice let on what her eyes never did, pain.

“Hayles, if you think for one second that I need anything that you can’t give me than you really don’t know me at all. What I need is you, what I want is you, who I love…–” She reached out and grabbed my hand and place is against her lips.

“is you.”

Gray dropped my hand,  making it slap into my hip creating a light thud. I hurt her, I wounded her, like I knew I would. Gray turned and walked out the door but not without one last glance with those stark eyes, her cheeks rose pulling up a sliver of a smile, and then she was gone.

I felt my heart wound rip open again, the tsunami of emotion hit me, I fell to the floor, my mom was dead, my dad was lost in his own mind and the only person I wanted to hold me right now was Gray and I had just forced her out of my life.