wordsofhonestunwisdom

A little something I have been working on. I seem to just get these flashes of moments in the story and all I can do is let the words flow and see what happens (its a little like being possessed, in a good creative way!). This excerpt is one of those flashes, I have no idea where this story is coming from but when I’m writing it I get extremely emotional. It feels so personal so it has been hard for me to share but I feel like I need to share it 🙂 Hope you enjoy!

I reached her door, panting, drained, I rested my forehead on the cold metal. I took a deep breath in, trying to compose myself, sucking in the tears that were trying to escape, stinging my eyes in the process. I couldn’t walk in there a complete mess, I had done that to her one too many times. I couldn’t expect her to keep picking me up and putting me back together. It wasn’t worth it for her to fix me if all I did was break again and again. How did I get this fragile? A few months ago I was able to shove all these feelings inside, burying them deep down, stacking other emotions on top of them, compacting them into my dark place. Recently the bad feelings had become stronger seeping out at the most unexpected moments, collapsing me to the ground. I took another breath and held it in, I put what little energy I had left into opening the door.

There she sat in front of her easel. One paint brush in her hand another behind her ear, music played as she gently swayed her body to the rhythm. She had on a white tank top that was tied in a knot at the center of her back and the jean shorts she wore the first time we met. Her hand twirled gracefully across the canvas, watching her paint was like watching someone dance, so smooth and rhythmic. Beautiful. I lifted my camera to my eyes partially to hide the water filling in them and partly because images like this were impossible not to make permanent. She didn’t hear me come in but she heard the click of my camera. She turned her head toward me and smiled.

“Hey Beautiful, How was your day?” Click, I snapped again.

“Tiring,” I said as I turned and walked away from her, toward the bed, I spread myself out on the mattress. It felt good to lay down but I could no longer hold in the tears, gravity did its job and pulled gentle streams from my eyes. I wiped them away and stretched my arms above my head, rubbing my moist fingers into the blankets. Breathing slowly I tried to push the feelings away. It didn’t work, it was like I had a blanket of sadness suffocating me. I closed my eyes wanting nothing but to drift off to sleep.

I heard Gray put down her brush, she lowered the music and began to walk over to me. I didn’t want to look at her, I couldn’t look at her, not if I wanted to keep myself together. For some reason whenever I looked into her stark eyes I wanted to pour my heart out; Tell her everything that was on my mind, but I knew that would be too much for her. It wasn’t right for me to put my burdens on her, you don’t do that to the ones you love.

Gray sat on the bed, I felt her legs touch my arms. She was so warm, I could instantly feel her transferring heat to my cold skin. I kept my eyes closed as tears fell down my temples. I could feel her lean forward placing her hands on my stomach, slowly she dragged her fingertips across my torso, over my breasts, a shiver shot up my spine, I shifted my weight to let the tingling pass through. I opened my eyes, only to gaze into the most stunning grey marbles above me.

“Hey,” she whispered.

I smiled as tears continued to fall, she leaned forward and kissed the trail of salt water down the side of my face. She sat up again a moved her fingers over my chest and down my arms leaving trails of goosebumps. She stopped when her hands reached mine, she began to stroke patterns into my palm, after a few minutes I gasped her fingers. She squeezed mine back, in an attempt I’m sure to release some of my tension. I didn’t want her to take my burden and that’s all she wanted me to give her. Gray released my hands and I immediately missed them. I felt her hair fall on my fingers as my palms gained the weight of her head. Her hot breath flowed over my wrist, as she gave me a gentle kiss, burning my skin with heat.

We laid there in silence for a long time, she must have known I didn’t want to talk. Sometimes I felt like Gray knew me better than I knew myself, she had the ability to bring me up even when I felt I could go no where but further down. Eventually our breathing became heavier and just before we drifted off together I spoke softly, “Will you come with me to see my Dad?”  I felt her take a breath in a release a soft moan that I knew was meant as a yes, then we were both lost in sleep.

When I awoke I was wrapped in Gray, we had fallen asleep barely touching but now our bodies were intertwined. Her legs crossed mine, our are arms rested on top of each other, our hands were laced tightly. The moonlight glared through the window lighting our bodies in the darkness. My head was tucked under her chin, I could her the slow beat of her heart, she was calm. My eyes no longer cried, the blanket of sadness had been washed away and Gray was preventing another one from forming.  She was my armor protecting me from hurt and I wished so desperately that I could be the same for her.