wordsofhonestunwisdom

Ambivalence. Most people may view ambivalence as a hinderance, but for me it has been a great gift. I first learned the word when I was about twelve after watching Girl, Interrupted. Since I was young I always had very conflicting feelings/views about many things. These feelings tended to create high levels of anxiety, because I just wanted to feel/think one thing at a time not many. When I learned of this word Ambivalence I knew that this is what I had been struggling with. As I learned more about the word and my feelings I realized not to fight this ambivalence. In fact having such love/hate feelings about things actually was helping me on my philosophical journey. Such opposing thoughts really helped rip me apart at my core(in a good way). Being pulled in two different directions aided me in learning that there is no direction. I still have bouts ambivalence but I just give into it, I don’t dwell on the fact that I have them. I let the feelings tear me apart and in turn the ambivalence is destroyed too, and I am left with a greater sense of being.