Posts Tagged ‘unwisdom’

I have to be honest. Before I joined wordpress.com I was worried that the way I thought was too out there. I had often been asked “Are you high?” When discussing intense topics such as Life, Religion, Death, Over Population, Politics among many other things. I was beginning to worry that no one thought about things as critically or as curiously as I did. I felt that so many people were locked in their own ideas and opinions completely unwilling to accept or listen to others thoughts and opinions. My main decision for joining wordpress.com was for me to let some of my writings seep into the world since I have a fear of letting people read anything I write, especially the ones closest to me. I figured I would put some stuff out there and maybe this would help ease my fear without having to sit and watch someones reaction as they read my words. The result has been nothing short of amazing. I have received many words of encouragement as well as good wishes and many more questions to challenge me. So many people have responded positively to these words I have written and I have nothing but gratitude and gratefulness for every person who has read anything on my blog. I was even able to open my blog to my Facebook and let the people closest to me read my entires and that reaction has been the same. My mother said something to me shortly after I started the blog that really made me think maybe my thoughts weren’t so crazy after all, she said        “All I know is when I read Lindsay’s words I know everything will be alright.” I know she is my mother and she is supposed to support me but just hearing that really made my heart melt. My mother and I don’t have the same beliefs but somehow my words could help her too. I was naive to think that I was the only one out there that thinks this way or has these ideas or morals. There is 7 billion people out there and we are much more similar than we are different. This blog entry was simply written to thank every single one of my followers and readers. Your support has really surprised me and I will continue write and read all of your entries because all of your ideas, thoughts, and art has helped me be even more open and even more honest. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh yeah and one more thing… THANK YOU! 🙂

Peace and Love

Lindsay

Backstory

I stopped believing in God over ten years ago. Shortly before I lost my faith (not that I really had much to begin with) I stopped believing in the devil. I came to the conclusion that the devil was simply made up to scare people into being Godly or following God’s word. So I chose not to believe in such a thing. Soon after I chose not to believe in God either. I had the realization that there could be no God. God for me became Santa Claus or Unicorns or Leprechauns. It appeared to me that faith was simply a coping mechanism for all the things we cannot understand in our world, and I personally did not feel I needed answers. For me I have less guilt and more freedom  without god/religious duty looming over my head. That being said I have no judgement towards faith/religious lovers, I am the first one to say believe in whatever you want to believe in, and I will believe in mine.

This brings me to the topic of my blog today. I was recently at and event where someone suggested that to be a good person and to carry out justice for all, you somehow must  have god’s light in your heart. I don’t overly agree with this. I would have to say bluntly I have none of God’s light in my heart. My heart is made of blood and muscle and tissue. It’s made of the same thing that your heart is made of. This however may suggest that I am a bad person, selfish, vain, greedy. I hate this stereotype of non believers. I consider myself a good person and in a way I feel like I feel more pain than most because I try everyday to have compassion for every person, and living thing on this planet. More and more these days I see how everything is connected and that the stars in the sky are on the same level as mosquitos, as carbon, as music, as humans. Everything we have today is because of how this Universe has developed at random. To me life is a gift but not a gift given by  someone or something. A gift of happening, a side effect of our Universe. And I try to live in this gift as a peaceful person not because I was taught to but because I want too, because hate, violence, judgement and intolerance have never amounted to anything positive.

“I have learned that it is not important to find the answers in life, but much more important to pose the questions that may have no answer.” L.D

I think it was Einstein who said “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.”

This is how I try to live my life, not to find the answer to the question but simply to ask it.

I have realized lately how many people have generalizations about certain Races, Religions, Cultures, Sexual orientations, countries and genders. I find it sad that people still hold such strong assumptions about such silly things. You can’t help where you were born, you don’t choose your orientation or skin color. You don’t pick what religion your guardians posed upon you.

I hear people(even ppl I know and love) slapping labels on large groups of people suggesting that all people who are Muslim are terrorists , or that all gay people are flamboyant, or that all foreigners can’t speak English. These are just a few of the generalizations I hear daily.

It makes me sad to think that so many of us believe so strongly that certain groups of people are a certain way. The truth is there is no “groups of people” there is just “people” if we belong to any group at all it should be a global one, where we all accept each other regardless of our religion, opinions, culture, sexual orientation, race or gender. Equality is the only way to achieve peace!

You are the vine, roping me tight

holding my limbs when I put up a fight.

You are the tree, grounding my soul

I tried not to let you but my heart you stole.

You are the tear, falling from my eye

when I have no answer for my why.

You are the moon, lighting my darkness

showing me peace in all its starkness.

You are the sun, warming my heart

letting me know we will never part.

You are the song, ringing in my ear

calming my sadness, tabling my fear.

You are the wind, washing over me

keeping my spirit open and letting me be free.

This is a exert from an unfinished story I was writing. Somehow this is the only part of the piece that moves me or that I think is worthy of sharing.

“When your young you think love is the easiest thing to give and receive. As you grow older you learn love is hard to attain and even harder to keep. Love fades, love cracks, love disintegrates. There’s an old adage that says it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. You don’t believe that do you? To love someone so deeply, so passionately and then have that love ripped from the heart of your being, leaving you broken and wounded; Left to patch yourself up with temporary, makeshift relationships. The hole never fully heels and the memories you had together are like bullets shooting out of the darkness hitting you when you least expect it. A sight, a smell, a touch and the pain of loss comes rushing back to you, causing a tsunami of emotion. Collapsing to the floor you weep for your loss, your family’s loss and the world’s loss. Then you pick yourself up out of the pool of tears and continue on, not because you want to, but because you have to, because You are Alive.”

The older I get the more I have noticed that Language is in many ways a hinderance to humanity. I remember being a kid and saying a word over and over until it didn’t even sound like a real word. This exercise made me question Who decides words? Who said that one is one not two? Who said up was up an not down? I then started to wonder what if everything I knew as language was backwards. What if what we know as red was actually called green? This intrigued me.

As I reached what some would call Adulthood I noticed another thing about Language, Tone. I had long heard the phase It’s not what you say but how you say it. As an adolescent I hated the phrase. To me I delivered words of rebellion in the same way I delivered words in usual conversation. Being an adult and listening to people young and old I started to understand this idea of tone. Somehow two people could say the same exact thing but it could be received in completely conflicting ways. Ah the tone I would think to myself. How was I unable to hear it before? Did I simply choose not to hear it or was I incapables at the time? All I know is I hear it now and it puzzles me constantly. Not only do we have hundreds of languages but we also have hundreds of tones those languages can be delivered in.

This is where language can become a hinderance. It is very hard for people to properly communicate their feelings with such a wide variety of options to convey them. Human perception also makes this difficult because even when we find the right words to say, the person/people receiving this message may percieve a tone in the way the person delivered the words. This may in turn lead to a long discussion explaining why what you said was not what you meant. I often find that words can never describe what we are truly feeling or trying to communicate.

I think it’s funny that there is so many words for one thing. We call them synonyms but what they really are is useless. Why do we need twenty words for beautiful? Do we really need three ways to say to/too/two or there/they’re/their? Are these necessities of language or excesses? Would language crumble if these ceased to exist?

Sometimes silence is the easiest way to communicate, odd as that sounds. At least that’s what I’ve found. In the words of the great Joss Whedon “When people stop talking, they start communicating.” (if you haven’t seen the silent episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Hush” I recommend you watch it!)

As I was scrolling through “topics” I came across a blogger who had this thought the power of a positive idea is greater than the power of a negative idea.  In reaction I had this thought who is to say whether an idea is positive or negative. Can an idea not just be an idea? Why do so may things in our lives have to have a charge, a meaning, a description? Again I ask, can things not just be things? Why does the grass have to be green, is it impossible for us to see it as just grass?

I often here people say there is no love without hate, or you have to take the good with the bad. I don’t know if I want to believe that, I think I would rather not have either than have pain, suffering, oppression, anger and bouts of happiness, bliss and love. Would the world really be boring if every feeling, idea, thought felt the same way? Not to say the every thought, feeling or idea would be the same but would affect us in the same way.

I then have to ask you this, is peace boring? In a sense if global peace was achieved we would all accept every aspect of existence/life as we know it on this planet. We would have respect for everyone and everything. All things would be different but be accepted in the same way or is that an unfair assumption of peace? I guess that’s what my idea of peace is.

 

One of the worst parts about not having much experience with loss is seeing people hurt and suffer from invisible wounds and then realizing that this pain is going to happen to you, it will happen to you, and learning that you have to accept that this is a truth. People you love will die. It hurts to say, write, even type those words, but yet these words are fact. They say that the truth hurts, how painfully true. We’re born, we live, we die. What happens after death remains to be seen. After death, after life those are not absolutes; death is an absolute. Every human has one thing in common, we will all die; I try find peace in this knowing. 

“An open mind is an enlightened mind.” When your mind is open nothing can stick to it, you experience it, it passes through you and you move on.