Archive for the ‘poetry’ Category

I want you

I need you

I’m a slave for you

 

I don’t flaunt you

I won’t feed you

I’m locked in a cave for you

 

I miss you

I hate you

I’m lost without you

 

I won’t kiss you

I don’t bait you

I’m in a state of doubt with you

 

I free you

I hold you

I’m losing hope, for you

 

I don’t see you

I won’t mould you

I’m trying to cope with you

 

You don’t want me

You don’t need me

You’re not a slave for me

 

You won’t miss me

You won’t hate me

You’re not lost without me

 

You don’t free me

You don’t hold me

You’re not losing hope, for me

 

You are not for me

And I am not for you

Maybe I can be free

Maybe you can be too

Am I an anomaly?

Standing up for what I believe.

Accepting that everything is a part of me

 –

Am I an aberration?

Living in my imagination.

Hoping for a free global nation

Reading a book series in which these words are used frequently, this sprung out of no where while I was reading a chapter yesterday. Thought I would share. I think I would rather be both an anomaly and an aberration than someone who goes along with the norm just to fit in and be safe. I’m an out-of-the-box kind of girl 🙂

(The series is Matched/Crossed/Reached by Ally Condie)

Trapped

thoughts circling

continuous

never stopping

 Lost

fears gaining

persistent

peace waiting 

 Scared

heart pounding

always

hope longing

 Stuck

body tingling

constant

ideas triggering

 Angry

fists clenching

forever

tense feeling

 Weep

mind lying

endless

eyes crying

 Stop

voices talking

eternal

sound mocking

 Free

soul escaping

moment

for taking

I have always been an anxious, nervous person ever since I was a child. I rarely find moments of complete calm, when my mind is quiet and I’m at peace (these moments are like rare gems to me, and I am always grateful for them). I have become adapt to being in an anxious state, in fact, for me it just feels like who I am. It never posed any problems for me up until a few months ago when I experienced my first anxiety attack. It was the most terrifying experience I have ever had. I liken it to being on a roller coaster, going 100km without a harness, and then free falling continuously for hours. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, I couldn’t breathe, I was hot and cold, shivering and tense. It’s the strangest feeling having your mind tell you you’re dying while at the same time telling you your fine, calm down its just anxiety. I wrote this poem about how it feels to be trapped in a state of illogical panic and the moment you break free and feel normal again. 

Some think I am weird

afraid to come to near

but I am not to be feared

 

He thinks I am a disease

expecting me to please

this is what he sees

 

She thinks I am poser

burning me with her smolder

wanting only for me to hold her

 

You think I am an inspiration

playing with your imagination

all of Me is a collaboration

 

They think I am insane

pushing to me to detain

but my spirit will not be slain

 

I think we can be free

if only we choose to see

each person selflessly


Inside this book is a story.

A story waiting to be told

but something deep inside

is making me withhold.

Written on these pages is a story.

A story wanting to be free

but something deep inside

is not letting it be.

Composed on this paper is a story.

A story yearning to be read

but something deep inside

is refusing to be said.

Printed on these lines is a story.

A story aching for a start

but something deep inside

is denying its true art.

Inside my heart is a story

A story seeping out

but something deep inside

is preying on my self doubt.

I was browsing topics and came across this blog http://viewfromtheafternoon87.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/ever-wonder/ This post inspired me to write this poem. Hope you enjoy!

Sometimes I wonder.

Who comes here?

Who places their feet,

where I ponder?

Sometimes I question.

Why is this life?

Why do my eyes cry,

is this a lesson?

Sometimes I think.

Will things change?

Will my heart float,

or continue to sink?

Sometimes I hear.

What are the words?

What can they do,

to dissolve my fear?

Sometimes I wonder.

Who comes here?

Who sits with me,

While I ponder?


Since it is Mother’s Day here in North America I thought it would be fitting to share a little advice my Mother instilled in me as a young child. This quote from her are words I try to live by. Whenever I got in trouble or did something inappropriate or disobeyed at school my Mother would punish me but she would always say to me as I was denying any involvement in whatever situation I was getting shit for “Lindsay, you have to accept responsibility and move on.” I don’t know why but these words stuck with me and whenever I think of my Mother these are the first words that pop into my head. I have also included a poem below that is about a Mother and Daughter relationship in a story I wrote, it seems fitting for the day! Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mothers in the blog world and the real world, thanks for all the love and support!

You are the vine, roping me tight

holding my limbs when I put up a fight.

You are the tree, grounding my soul

From the first day my heart you stole.

You are the tear, falling from my eye

when I have no answer for my why.

You are the moon, lighting my darkness

showing me peace in all its starkness.

You are the sun, warming my heart

letting me know we will never part.

You are the song, ringing in my ear

calming my sadness, tabling my fear.

You are the wind, washing over me

keeping my spirit open and letting me be free.

Over the past few weeks I have gained many new followers and just wanted to share this poem again with everyone, I think it represents both me and my blog quite well. Enjoy! ( I have been kind of busy lately and hope to have some new stuff up within the next few days)

There Once was a Girl who Lived in a Box.

I stumbled across some of my old poetry while going through the memory box my Mother made for me when I graduated. I love  reading through my old journals from school. Sometimes I feel like a completely different person than when I was a child but in the same respect   I sometimes feel exactly the same (there goes my ambivalence again!). Here are 4 poems I wrote from grade 5 to grade 8. The first is a poem I wrote for Remembrance Day in honour of my grandfathers that fought in both WWI and WWII. The second poem is the only limerick I ever wrote (definitely not my strong suit!). The third poem is also not one of my best but I felt the need to share it because as a child and an adult I am always questioning why things are the way they are and what if they weren’t that way, what if? The last poem I wrote from a personal experience. A family member very close to me was in an abusive relationship for a long time and thankfully she was able to break free, I wrote the poem years after she had recovered from the relationship but as you can see it still was affecting me. Hope you enjoy!

Soldiers Lie

Soldiers lie in the darkness of death.

Soldiers lie in the grass of the cemetery.

Soldiers lie in the poppies of the summer.

Soldiers lie in the freedom of our country.

 

A Weird Limerick

There once was A TIME

WHEN I wrote a RHYME

About a BOY that FLIED

HE flied and FLIED until HE DIED

THAT was the time that I wrote a RHYME

 

What If?

What if the sky was green?

What if down was up and up was down?

What if?

What if the grass was purple?

What if guys were girls and girls were guys?

What if?

What if people were green?

What if one was two and two was one?

What if the whole world was different?

What if?

 

Why didn’t I run?

We used to love each other every single day,

But now I cannot wait for him to go away.

 

I don’t know what happened? He used to be so sweet,

But now all he does to me is hit, kick and beat.

 

He made my daughter watch as he slammed my head into the wall.

There she stood shocked, amazed and then she started to bawl.

 

Why do I let him do those horrible things, why don’t I run away?

Why do I put up with this pain day after day?

 

He made me think it was my fault that he did those thing to me,

But deep down inside I completely disagree.

 

I’m fed up with all of this, I’ve already started to pack,

And next time he try’s to hit me I just might hit him back.

Racing in the sun, searching desperately for my gun.

Running as far from the pain, how much can my heart contain?

Pacing away anxiety, if only I believed in a deity.

Gunning for a place that’s free, wishing only to believe.