I want you

I need you

I’m a slave for you

 

I don’t flaunt you

I won’t feed you

I’m locked in a cave for you

 

I miss you

I hate you

I’m lost without you

 

I won’t kiss you

I don’t bait you

I’m in a state of doubt with you

 

I free you

I hold you

I’m losing hope, for you

 

I don’t see you

I won’t mould you

I’m trying to cope with you

 

You don’t want me

You don’t need me

You’re not a slave for me

 

You won’t miss me

You won’t hate me

You’re not lost without me

 

You don’t free me

You don’t hold me

You’re not losing hope, for me

 

You are not for me

And I am not for you

Maybe I can be free

Maybe you can be too

Am I an anomaly?

Standing up for what I believe.

Accepting that everything is a part of me

 –

Am I an aberration?

Living in my imagination.

Hoping for a free global nation

Reading a book series in which these words are used frequently, this sprung out of no where while I was reading a chapter yesterday. Thought I would share. I think I would rather be both an anomaly and an aberration than someone who goes along with the norm just to fit in and be safe. I’m an out-of-the-box kind of girl 🙂

(The series is Matched/Crossed/Reached by Ally Condie)

It’s Pride, my city, surrounding area and places across the world are flying the flag with what else Pride! This brings me to the topic of my entry today, Homosexuality(or as I like to call it sexuality!). I was born in the 20th century and maybe was I exposed to more open ideas than some born in other decades or other parts of the world, but I have always been unaffected by same-sex love. It has always been a part of my life and never bothered me. What does bother me is how much other people seem to be bothered by it.

My first memory of homosexuality is from the sitcom Ellen. I think I was about 7 when she came out on her show. For some reason I distinctly remember Ellen leaning over the microphone in an airport and saying “I’m Gay!” After that the show got cancelled and I remember my mom being disappointed because she loved the show and she didn’t seem to mind that Ellen was gay. I’m not even sure I knew what that really meant back then. When I was about 9 my parents sat my sister and I down and told us my Uncle had come out as gay I think my response to this news was something like “Okay, can I go back to playing now?” I knew at this time that being gay meant dating someone of the same sex, I don’t know how I knew this. I don’t remember my parents telling me what it meant to be homosexual, I wasn’t very sheltered as a child so I’m guessing I saw or heard about it from television. Having a family member who was gay didn’t really change anything for me personally. At some point I met a boyfriend of my Uncles and all I can remember thinking is they hug like my parents hug, they hold hands like my parents hold hands, they kiss like my parents kiss. In their entirety they loved like my parents loved, and I was content with that. My family seemed to continue on just like it had before, nothing changed. I don’t know if being exposed to the lifestyle as a child aided in my acceptance or it’s just who I am. I don’t care who you love as long as you treat them right. This seems logical to me. You dating a man or a woman has no affect on me personally so why would I care?

I know people who say “I accept homosexual people I just don’t want to see it,” What does that mean? You accept them but you don’t want to see them be affectionate? That is not acceptance. Some people say,  “I just wish they wouldn’t rub their sexuality in my face,” again to this I say what? Don’t heterosexual people flaunt their heterosexuality all the time, walking in public holding hands, kissing, touching? Heterosexual people don’t have to sit their family and friends down and say, “I have something to tell you, I’m straight!” So why should homosexuals. Why does homosexuality have to be something that has to be announced like it is automatic that you are supposed to be born straight and if you’re not you either have to hide or tell the whole world?

I don’t understand people who say that you choose to be gay. You choose to be gay as much as you choose to be straight, or as mush as you choose your hair, eye or skin color. My common argument to this topic is “Why would you choose to be ridiculed, taunted and bullied?” I also don’t get people who say there is no such thing as bisexuality, you must either like boys or girls, it’s impossible to like both. No one has the right to decide how you feel about any specific person except you.

Sexuality is on a spectrum, and any person can fall anywhere on that spectrum. People are so concerned about life being black and white, no grey, no in between. Here’s a fact people IT’S ALL IN BETWEEN. The truth is there is there no black and white, there is no right and wrong, there is no gay and straight, there just is.

In the end you are who you are and you love who you love and I’m okay with that. I wish more people would be okay with it too.

I’m back in the blog world! I didn’t quite make it my full four weeks but I took the break that I needed. That being said, I found this interesting post today (http://rlproject.wordpress.com/2012/06/16/walking-backwards/) The last line of the entry was a quote that struck me, it reads:

“Reading makes us all immigrants. It takes us away from home, but more importantly, it finds homes for us everywhere.”

I have previous posts about how much I love to read and am currently in the process of writing my own book and this quote just gets me.

The full post from The RL Project is worth taking a moment to read

 

Peace & Love

Lindsay (glad to be back!) 🙂

Trapped

thoughts circling

continuous

never stopping

 Lost

fears gaining

persistent

peace waiting 

 Scared

heart pounding

always

hope longing

 Stuck

body tingling

constant

ideas triggering

 Angry

fists clenching

forever

tense feeling

 Weep

mind lying

endless

eyes crying

 Stop

voices talking

eternal

sound mocking

 Free

soul escaping

moment

for taking

I have always been an anxious, nervous person ever since I was a child. I rarely find moments of complete calm, when my mind is quiet and I’m at peace (these moments are like rare gems to me, and I am always grateful for them). I have become adapt to being in an anxious state, in fact, for me it just feels like who I am. It never posed any problems for me up until a few months ago when I experienced my first anxiety attack. It was the most terrifying experience I have ever had. I liken it to being on a roller coaster, going 100km without a harness, and then free falling continuously for hours. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, I couldn’t breathe, I was hot and cold, shivering and tense. It’s the strangest feeling having your mind tell you you’re dying while at the same time telling you your fine, calm down its just anxiety. I wrote this poem about how it feels to be trapped in a state of illogical panic and the moment you break free and feel normal again. 

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I have had plenty of time on my hands lately to keep my blog updated, I’m sure you’ve noticed as this is my 3rd post today :s. But sadly (or maybe not sadly, maybe happily) tomorrow I will be going into writeberation (thats my little word play on hibernation!). I will be taking a break from my blog to focus more on what I am hoping will eventually turn into my first novel. I am finding it hard blogging and writing simutaneously because I can never stay in one world long enough. I have a mind wondering problem to begin with and I am realizing I need just to sit, focus and hone all my energy into this project. I hoping it won’t be a long break, I want to be back here in a month to share possibly an entire chapter with you all. With that being said I will leave you with what will be my mantra for the next 4 weeks, and proabably the rest of my life!

It’s okay for me to think what I think

It’s okay for me to feel what I feel

It’s okay for me to write what I write

It’s okay for me to be what I be

Side Note: Big thanks to all the people who have been reading and commenting these past few weeks. I have got many views, likes and comments all which have been positive and supportive. For people to say things like “Your character and charisma shine through your writing,” or “Thank you for inspiring us,” and my personal favourite “Your blog made me smile,” is such an honour. When I started this venture I truly didn’t think people would be interested in the things I have discussed here, and if they were at least interested I didn’t they would care to discuss them with me or think that what I had to say was at all relevant to the subjects. It has been the complete opposite of that, so thank you, thank you, thank you  again for all the love a support and I will type you in a few weeks (type you, my word play on see you, oh boy I need to just stop with the word play and the brackets) 🙂

Peace and Love and Writing

Lindsay

Some think I am weird

afraid to come to near

but I am not to be feared

 

He thinks I am a disease

expecting me to please

this is what he sees

 

She thinks I am poser

burning me with her smolder

wanting only for me to hold her

 

You think I am an inspiration

playing with your imagination

all of Me is a collaboration

 

They think I am insane

pushing to me to detain

but my spirit will not be slain

 

I think we can be free

if only we choose to see

each person selflessly

Saw this poster while I was waiting in the drive thru getting coffee before work. Even though I wasn’t having a particularly bad day this random sign made my day that much better. It’s true Someone does Love You  and I think sometimes we forget this. Thank You to whoever felt so moved to put this up, I’m sure it brightened many peoples day!

“Spread some love, Don’t give to receive, Strive to be happy, And live to believe.”

I’ve been on a steady Jessie J kick for a while now. Last week I posted a video of her singing Who You Are and got lot’s of positive feedback. It seems some people are still unaware of her and what a talent she is. Here is another video and quote from one of her songs called Stand Up. Say what you want about pop music or top 40 artists but this girl can sing, write and perform like crazy. But better than that she oozes her artistry she doesn’t just sing it, write it, perform it, she makes you feel it. And art that makes you feel is really the only kind worth your time. (I included another video of a song she wrote called Big White Room, if you haven’t seen or heard either I highly recommend you take the time to listen and watch!)